I have made the mistake to install Candy Crush on my phone and on my iPad and now I’m on the verge of absolute madness; it started as an innocent experiment, part of my game research, and it has quickly turned into a terrible nightmare. I have been stuck in level 28 for three days now and I’m going insane. The other night I woke up in the middle of my sleep, highly unnerved, because I was not able to sort out the colourful patterns I could see inside my head. Proper loonie.
What really pisses me off, though, is that I haven’t had the will to delete it. Not being able to solve that puzzle makes me feel like an idiot so I keep telling myself that it’s just a matter of paying closer attention until a pattern emerges and from there, everything will be easier. So I give it a try again. And lose again. I get closer and closer to clean all the fucking jellies but there is always one or two left. I ponder my moves and right away realize I could have won if I had done this or that bit of candy crushing differently, so I try again and lose again and try again and lose again, until I find myself in the middle of a downward spiral into the depths of hell. Stupid game, must be up there next to heroin and online shopping.
Kat telling me she reached level 145 while she sees me slowly dying inside, crushing candy in level 28, hasn’t helped either. But you know what? I’m done with this shit, I’m deleting this motherfucking game tonight!
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An extract from episode One Hundred and Sixty Four of Dan Hon‘s newsletter, which I just finished reading:
At dinner with friends tonight, talking about the Inevitable Life Crisis, the one that is diagnosable by two easy questions. First, are you over thirty years old? Second, did you grow up with the internet? Congratulations, you have no idea what it is that you’re doing or what you want to do, and you are paralysed with lack of decision and choice.
Well, yes and yes. At least the weekend is around the corner…