Act nice and gentle

What a year. If I’m completely honest, just the fact of sitting here with the intention to consciously review the last 12 months of my life, feels a bit overwhelming, probably more than ever before. I’ve gone from utter happiness to absolute sadness, from joyful company to sorrowful isolation, from bitterly cold weather to pleasant hot clime, from hopeful aspirations to disheartening disillusions; I took things for granted and paid the price, I underestimated my luck and suddenly found myself in the middle of situations most mortals could only dream of. I laughed like a little kid and cried like a bitch. I fell in love like never before. I went back to Uni, moved houses 4 times and ate ridiculous amounts of pasta because I couldn’t be bothered to cook anything else. I said things I wish I didn’t say. I shook hands with Dave Grohl and Slash, twice. Back home, both my gramps and grandma died as I watched from afar, not being able to say goodbye. I had the time of my life in Amsterdam without surrendering my lungs to pot (got pretty drunk, though), I saw amazing people turning their backs to amazing opportunities, and I met up with Jimmy Page more times than I did with some of my long-time friends. I got to know extraordinary people with greater fear of failure than bravery to pursue their dreams; I tried to encourage them but they refused. I learnt that habit is a hard thing to break. I was inspired by humble people and discovered that I’m a modest man who can actually find happiness in simple things. I made my first painting and wrote my debut poem, then gave them away for love and I have no regrets. I went to dozens of gigs and didn’t pay a penny for any of them. I became a fan of cheap arse wine. I saw people I love with all my heart, seriously pondering the benefits of death or being helplessly brought down by fear and vulnerability. I’ve been reminded that having a heart sometimes could be heartbreaking. I’ve been scared of not seeing people I dearly love, ever again. Frankly, this year has been a fuckin’ rollercoster ride I’m still trying to get through without throwing up.

For the first time in a long time, I’m as somber as I’m thrilled about the year to come. A very strange mix of excitement and despondency has taken over in the last couple of days, and I must confess, this feeling is all very new to me. I’m not entirely sure of how to deal with it but it seems to me that the only thing I could possible do is to take a breath, chin up and keep striving. I can’t lose perspective and I can’t give up but I suppose I can make a kind plea, just in case…

2012: Act nice and gentle to me.


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